A bloke is driving around in the Australian bush and because it's Australia his truck has got a 'roo bar' on the front that protects it if he hits a kangaroo. Suddenly he hits something, so he gets out and sees that there's a pig wedged between his 'roo bar' and his truck. He tries to get it out but it's stuck tight, so he gets on his CB radio and asks for advice. 'Breaker breaker. I've got a pig stuck behind my 'roo bar. How can I get it out?' A reply comes
A woman walks into a pet shop hoping to find the right pet. She wonders around for a while and she stumbles on to this big ass parrot in this huge cage.
She checks it out for a minute and notices that the parrot has two strings hanging down. On the right foot is a red string and on the left foot is a yellow string. She calls the pet shop manager over and asks him what the strings mean.
He say's, "Well madam, if you pull the red string he will sing a hymn
Preeto fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours. But one day the dentist said sadly, "Preeto, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to get suspicious." "No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him. "Besides, we've been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn't suspect a thing." "True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"
After a rigorous drilling program a group of ROTC cadets was about to board the trucks back to the barracks. Just for fun, the cadets got into formation with their caps on backward. The lieutenant in charge was indignant at the breach of military decorum and dressed down the cadet leader, Cadet, I want to see those caps facing front immediately!" Unshaken, the young cadet captain called his group to attention, then commanded: "About face!"
A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly back to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."