Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That s an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
Joe is a lively 75 year old widower. He is also very rich. One day, he turns up at the to meet some of his friends and he has a gorgeous young redhead on his arm. She has sex appeal in plenty and listens to Joes every word with great attention. All his friends think she is as sexy a lady as they have seen for years.
When she excuses herself to go to the ladies, Joes friends rush over to him. "Joe, how did you manage to get such a lovely girlfriend?" they ask.
Ek teacher kaha ki 'AGAR MAI BILL GATES HOTA' par essay likho. Saare students likhne lag gaye. Teacher ne dekha ki sab likh rahe hain but apna Pappu sirf smile kar raha tha, yahan vahan dekh rajah tha lekin likh nahin raha tha.
Teacher: Pappu, tum kyu nai likh rahey?
Pappu: Madam ji, main apni seceretry ka intzaar kar raha hun.
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed."