Three drunk guys are sitting behind a couple of nuns at a football game (whose habits partially blocked the view).
In an effort to get te nuns to move, the men decided to badger them.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, I heard there are only 100 nuns living there."
The Second Guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."
The Third Guy said, "Well, I want to go to Idaho, they say there are only 25 Nuns living there."
At that, one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you all go to hell. You won't find any nuns there."
Thief: Oh! The police is here. Quick, jump out of the window. Fellow thief: But this is the 13th floor! Thief: Hurry this is no time for superstitions.
A man was standing in a gallery, studying two near-identical pictures by the same artist. Both showed a glass of wine, a basket of bread rolls, a bowl of salad and a plate of smoked salmon.
Yet one painting was priced $150, the other at $125.
So, he asked the gallery owner to explain why one was more expensive than the other.
"It's simple," said the gallery owner, indicating the more expensive painting.
"You get two extra slices of smoked salmon in that one."
One of the few pontiffs in history with a rich sense of humor, Pope John XXIII once reported to an interviewer that important problems would frequently come to mind in the middle of the night, disturbing his sleep.
Half awake, he'd make a mental note: "I must speak to the pope about that."
"Then," he confessed, "I would be wide awake and remember - I am the pope!"
Once asked by a journalist, "How many people work in the Vatican?" the pontiff pondered the question, giving the impression that he was trying to come up with an accurate estimate.
Then, with a straight face, he answered: "About half."
Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.