Santa walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a taxi called for him. Santa is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door
Three doctors went duck hunting and a bird flew overhead.
The general practitioner looked at it and said, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," and he took a shot at it but missed and the bird flew away.
When the next bird came into view, the pathologist looked at it, then through the pages of a bird manual, and said, "Hummmm... white wings, yellow bill, quacking sound... might be a duck," and by the time he raised this gun to shoot, the bird was long gone.
The surgeon raised his gun and shot down a third bird almost without looking, then turned to the pathologist and said, "Go see if that was a duck."
Banta came into the bar, with a big scowl on his face, and ordered a drink. The bartender says, "You look a mite angry. What's wrong?" Banta says, "Well, I was in bed with this gal, and we heard her husband coming in, so I jumped out the window and held on to the window sill. He came over to the window and saw me, and got this big shit-eating grin on his face. Bartender says, "Well, that would make me angry, too, Banta." "You don't understand, that's not what
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit