A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed women and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the doctors. Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms. "I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told his guide. The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor.
"How come you're late?" asks the Manager as Santa walks in the door. "It was awful," Santa explains. "I was walking down Mall road and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the road. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the Manager. Santa says, "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself from fainting!"
On a desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman; 2 German men and 1 German woman; 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman; 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman; 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman; 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman; 2 American men and 1 American woman; 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman;
The boys had been up in the attic together helping with some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked her, "Hey Mom, what's this?"
"Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.
"Well, what does it do?" they queried.
"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
"WOW!" they exclaimed, "That's really cool. But how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?"
"There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug."
"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.
"It doesn't need batteries either," she continued.
"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have invented this a long time ago!"
Two Women chatting in office. Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep. How was yours ?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!