A good man passed away and went to heaven. He was greeted by St. Peter, who congratulated him and said he could have anything he wished.
The fellow requested something to eat and a telescope so that he could look around.
While eating the sandwich provided to him, he peered through the telescope down at the folks in hell and saw that they were feasting on prawns, chicken tikkas, mutton chops, karahi paneer and desserts.
"How come people down there are eating gourmet food?" He asked St. Peter. "I earned a place in heaven, but you gave me only a sandwich!"
"Well," replied St. Peter apologetically, "it doesn't pay to cook for just two."
A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow
Then there was the man whose bread fell and landed buttered side up. He ran straight away to his rabbi to report this deviance from one of the basic rules of the universe.
At first the rabbi would not believe him but finally became convinced that it had happened. However, he did not feel qualified to deal with the question and passed it along to one of the world's leading Talmudic scholars.
After months of waiting, the scholar finally came up with an answer: "The bread must have been buttered on the wrong side."
Joe was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passers by pulled him from the wreck and revived him. Joe began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when Joe was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. Joe said, "I remembered the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing sign. Turns out somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'Shell' sign."
A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,"Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the