If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $72.
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the 5-cent deposit, you would have $79.
A man walked up to a farmer as he came out of a voting booth, "I'm from the CBI." "What seems to be the trouble?" "We happen to know that you accepted a bribe and sold your vote." "That's not true. I voted for the candidate because I like him." "Well, that's where we've got you. We have concrete evidence you accepted Rupees 10000 from him." "Well, it's plain common sense. If someone gives you 10000 bucks, you're going to like him."
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries
The little boy was sitting on a park bench munching on one chocolate bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all those chocolates isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
The boy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?"
The little boy answered, "No, he minded his own damn business!"
Husband: "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!"
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said. The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good.
The wife welcomed him and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill and a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas?"