A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it".
The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try.
So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she mwould write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right side.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again
In our life, problems may go from "Haywards 2000" to "Haywards 5000", but we must take them as a "Royal Challenge" otherwise people will call us "Old Monk" and put a "Black Label" on our name.
So, we must learn from "Teachers" to fight like "Jack Daniel", live like a "Bagpiper", walk like "Johny Walker", work till "8 PM" & think like "Director Special".
Then life will be "Imperial" and we will become "Aristocrat" and there will be value for our "Signature".
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!!!!"
A wealthy American tourist checks into an Irish hotel. Upon his arrival the tiny reception area becomes filled with not only suitcases, but golf clubs, golf shoes, golf umbrellas and several boxes of golf balls. "Surely now, sir," cried the manager eyeing the baggage with alarm, "there must be some mistake. We've no golf course you see and you'll be finding there's not one within miles of the place." "Well now, that's no problem," replied the tourist. "I'm having one sent over with my heavy baggage."
It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver, Chinnamma Sebastian, 49, Philadelphia, PA, wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple injuries. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow truck, when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver, who suffered minor injuries. It finally stopped when it hit another tow truck.