A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace. After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast
One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said. "Yes you may." Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods. Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and put it on top of the poop. The priest saw him and said, "What do you got underneath there
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets-each for not wearing a seat belt.
Tim and Joe finished their weekly round of golf with Tim pulling out his typical victory, although not by the customary wide margin. Even though the match was unusually close, Joe seemed more upset than usual by the outcome.
"Talk about the worst luck in the world," grumbled Joe as they headed into the locker room. "I just can't seem to buy a darn break." "Why are you being so hard on yourself?" asked Tim. You played great all week. Heck, you almost actually won." "That's what's so aggravating," yelled Joe.I cheated like crazy and I still lost!"