A guy was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed him by the hand and pulled him aside and said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The guy said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."
Robert was sitting in a bar looking thoroughly miserable. After a while the customer at the next table said, "Excuse me, but you look really depressed. What's the problem?"
"You may well ask," sighed Robert. "I'll tell you what the problem is. My mother died in March and left me 10,000 dollars."
"Gee, thats tough," said the customer sympathetically.
"Then in April," continued Robert, "my father died, leaving me 50,000 dollars."
"Im real sorry to hear that," said the customer. "Losing two parents in two months - no wonder youre depressed."
"And last month, added Robert, "my aunt died left me 15,000 dollars."
The customer shook his head in pity: "How terrible! Three close family members lost in three months!"
A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were riding together to an engineering seminar when the car suddenly began jerking and shuttering. The mechanical engineer, said, "I think the car has a faulty carburetor." The electrical engineer said, "No, I think the problem lies with the alternator." The computer engineer brightened up and said, "I know, let's stop the car, all get out of the car and get back in again!"