This guy goes to the doctor after being constipated for two weeks.
The doctor prescribes a heavy-duty laxative and tells him to take two when he gets home. The guy goes home to his fourth story apartment, pops two of the pills and lays down for a nap.
When he awakens he finds that the laxative is so powerful that he has relieved two weeks worth of blockage all over the bed as he slept. Totally disgusted the man toils over what to do with the mess and finally
Every Saturday morning the husband goes fishing. He gets up early, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. So, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, makes his lunch, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck. Coming out of his garage, rain is pouring down in a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain and the wind is blowing 50 miles per hour. inutes later
A man decided to change his life and for a start he took up the easiest - drinking. He got so drunk with whisky and his breath had such a foul stench as if a whole herd of mammoths had spent the night in his mouth.
It felt good to be blind drunk, but the time came for him to go home and his wife was quite quick-tempered. She always knew when he was drunk even if he was three blocks away from their house and did not let him in.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, five years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was five and a half years ago."