A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent.
The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then a man gets out if his seat and runs over to open the door.
The pilots screams at him, "Didn't you hear what I said, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat as long as the doors remain closed?!"
"Of course I heard you," the man replied, "but it's also designed to fly, and look how good that one worked out!!"
Banta: "My grandfather s watch fell in a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time" Santa: "So what is so great about it? Once my grandfather himself fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive."
Banta: "How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?"
Santa: "Why not? He was winding your grandfathers wrist-watch."
A lion woke up one morning with the urge to inflict his superiority on his fellow beasts. So he strode over to a monkey and roared: "Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?"
"You are, Master," said the monkey, quivering.
Then the lion came across a warthog.
"Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?" roared the lion.
"You are, Master," said the warthog, shaking with fear.
Next the lion met an elephant.
"Who is the mightiest animal in the jungle?" roared the lion.
The elephant grabbed the lion with his trunk, slammed him against a tree half a dozen times, dropped him like a stone and ambled off.
"All right," shouted the lion. "There's no need to turn nasty just because you don't know the answer."
Hard Disk Girls: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Girls: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Windows Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screensaver Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
Internet Girls: Difficult to access.
Server Girls: Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster.
Email Girls: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
Stage 1 - SMART: This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING: This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING
Three high steel building workers break for lunch and sit down high above the city. First worker opens his lunch box and complains, "Not lentils and rice again today, Every day, lentils & rice, lentils & rice. If I have lentils & rice again tomorrow I will throw myself from this building." Second worker opens his lunch box and exclaims, "Not butter chicken & rice again. Every day chicken & rice. If I have that again tomorrow I'll throw myself off too." The last