A man was seen walking in a drunkard manner, with anger written large on his face, wearing a pair of somewhat tight shoes. A Haryanavi passerby who happened to go that way, stopped and asked the man, "From where did you buy such tight shoes?" "Aey Mister, you had better mind your own business. I ve plucked them from a tree! But I wonder what's that to do with you." "Absolutely nothing. But friend, you made some haste. If you had plucked them two or three months hence they would have definitely fitted your feet well," said the Haryanavi mockingly.
A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, Why in the world do you need cyanide?
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacists eyes got big and he said, Lord, have mercy I cant give you cyanide to kill your husband! Thats against the law! Ill lose my license, theyll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!
The lady reached into her purse, and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture again and replied, Well, now. You didnt tell me you had a prescription.
Tim: Sam, I hear you just got married again. Sam: Yes, for the fourth time. Tim: What happened to your first three wives? Sam: They all died, Tim. Tim: How did that happen? Sam: My first wife ate poison mushrooms. Tim: How terrible! And your second? Sam: She ate poison mushrooms. Tim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too? Sam: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck. Tim: I see; an accident. Sam: Not exactly. She was not eating her mushrooms.
Jewish Rules 1. Never take a front-row seat at a bris. 2. If you can t say something nice, say it in Yiddish. 3. The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana. 4. Always whisper the names of diseases. 5. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired. 6. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed. 7. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate-side-of-the-street parking is suspended. 8. A bad matzoh ball makes
Hopkins, a mummy's boy, was sent to navy. After a month working there his father died. The General told the official to tell Hopkins the bad news, and asked him to be very keen about it, since Hopkins is a very sensitive man. The official told him not to worry, as he knew how to deal with certain situations. The official, with a commanding and powerful voice said to Hopkins : "Hopkins, your father is dead!!!!!!!!!!" Hopkins cried and cried for a whole month after this